True feelings

Dog on grass. True feelings.
Photo Credit: birgl (pixabay)
Always ask why

What you feel and what you think feel
are two different things.

We are so conditioned to mimic life around us to fit in, that we have lost touch with our own true feelings. When a situation occurs, we tend to react how we’ve seen our family, tv shows, even society in general reacts. In some cases, our reaction can be a coping mechanism to hide painful feelings from ourselves.

When you are feeling something, ask your self why am I feeling this? You will be surprised with the answer. We are so quick to go with the first feeling we think we are feeling, we rarely check in to see if this is how we truly feel.

Somebody asks you if you like a certain dish. You answer not really. But if you ask yourself why you don’t like the dish, it turns out your mother didn’t like the dish. You haven’t decided for yourself how you feel about.

You may think you are feeling angry, when in reality you are feeling tired. When you ask yourself why am I feeling angry, you may answer that you are angry because you are tired. When you ask yourself why you are feeling tired, you may answer because you have been up all night worrying about a situation. When you ask you yourself why the situation is worrisome, you will come to the heart of the problem, you are fearful of the outcome. So, your true feeling is fear.

If we keep on asking ourselves why on a regular basis, we get to the heart of the matter faster. It is a fun way to get to know yourself. Why do I like this movie? Why did the person upset me? Was it really the words they used or was it the tone of their voice?

You can apply this concept to other people. Why is a magical word to buy you time when you have people asking you questions you are not ready to answer or know how to answer. Why are you asking? Why do you need to know? Why is it important to you?

Why can also help clear up misunderstandings. A husband walked into a room slamming down his coffee cup. His wife’s first instinct was to think he is mad at her and not sure why and she snaps at him. If she asked him why he slammed the cup down, he would have told her he was burning his knuckles.

Always ask why. Why do I feel like this? Take note of the answer; is it something you read about, seen on tv, something your family says or something you have decided for yourself?



Photo credit: Free-Photo
Show up and deal with what shows up.

If you know me, I am not a big fan of mantras. To me they are meaningless words, people say them without even really giving it much thought. Like saying abracadabra hoping the world magically changes into a comfort zone.

Bitter much, you say. No, hypocrite is more like it. You see for the last 8 years Show up and deal with what shows up, has been my mantra. It is the one thing that kept me and my family going.

 A crisis knocked on our door, not me nor my husband wanted to face it. We did not want to deal with it, think about it, or be part of it. What options did we have? A crisis does not care about your feelings, wellbeing, schedule or hopes and dreams.

What hurts the most, nobody is coming to save you. There is no mommy or daddy or even fairy godmother to save you. We had to deal with cancer and surgery, while raising two young kids.

The moment we implemented the wise words of Michael Neill, Show up and deal with what shows up; Our lives turned around and it was no longer a horror show. We no longer played the what if game, we no longer ran ahead with what needs to happen next. We could enjoy each moment for what it was. We took things step by step, it freed headspace and energy. Mostly we felt in control.

The things you think about, is so much worse than what is out there. Even if the worst thing happens, what else can you do but deal with it? By dealing with it, not turning away, not blinking, you win the game of chicken with Life.


Holding Space

Photo Credit: Ulrike Mai
A moment in time to catch your breath

People often ask me what do I for a living; I have such a hard time putting it into words. Holding space comes to mind. We have all heard this phrase from time to time, but what does it really mean?

People come to me and they are holding it all together with sticky tape, or should I rather say glue. It is not that the person is broken, or do not know what to do. They are aware of where they come from and where they are heading. They have done the hard work and deconstructed themselves. All they need is a little time and kindness to let it all sink in; let the glue dry.

Where does the holding of space come in? I create a space where the person can just be, no judgments, no fixing or trying to tell them how to do things. A space where they can run ideas by me. It is not for me to pull them to pieces or go digging. Sometimes the person will ask me if I could help them find a missing piece and we work together to find it. It is always a mutual agreement of what the outcome should be.

The person may appear fragile, but in reality, they are going to be stronger than before the rebuild. The person has already put themself back together. It is just that they need time for the glue to set.

The purpose of holding space is to encourage personal growth. When a person feels safe, while the glue slowly sets and they get use to the new configuration of self; it builds confidence to keep on evolving. As we evolve and reconfigure, we help create a better world.